remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
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We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
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We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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