every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize