You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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