apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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