My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize