Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
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I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
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Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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