I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
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Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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