i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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