I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
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we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
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When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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