Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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