Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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