I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
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It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
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Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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