i just sent this text using only my big toe
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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