if you like me you must not know who I am
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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