yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize