I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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