So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
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