I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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