Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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