You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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