well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
A+ Viking dick
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize