Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize