Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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