I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
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I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
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And then my night got REAL pukey
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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