I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize