Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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