She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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