you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize