thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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