Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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