Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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