You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
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we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
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so much tequila, so little girl.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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