I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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