My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
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I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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