i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
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