My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
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You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
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You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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