I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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