I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
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Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
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I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize