I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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