so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Couch. On fire.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize