your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
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He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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