overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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