There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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