goodnight i made you a song goodbye
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i think i just lost a toe
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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