So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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