he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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