I think i peed on brittanys purse
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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