well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize