why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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