Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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