What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
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As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
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When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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