i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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