She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize